Gone
by kg31goddess
Summary: What if Bella had been too late to save Edward in New Moon? Would she survive? Learn to love again? Bella/Jacob. Is rated T for saftey. ON HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1

So, basically I was rereading New Moon and got this idea in my head, what if Bella had been too late to save Edward? And that's really where this all came from. Also I love Edward, I'm totally and completely Team Edward and thus harbor no ill will to the character, so I hope you enjoy and please review.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, settings, etc. they all belong to the brilliant, Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

**Too Late**

I was screaming his name but he didn't respond he put his foot forward to take the fatal step and I knew I was too late. As the clock tolled again they rammed into Edward with such force that had the clock not been billowing already the entire square would have turned their heads to see the ruckus. As it was I was the only one who noticed, I heard a scream coming from their direction but both the figures had pulled Edward out of view. It wasn't enough to hide the truth from me though because at that moment I knew Edward was dead.

He was truly dead, not in his usual undead way but actually dead, gone from this world to the next. I collapsed, my knees hitting hard against the stone but I didn't care. As the tears filled my eyes all I cared about was that I had been too late Edward was gone. It was all my fault, I wasn't fast enough, I was the stupid, clumsy, slow human that couldn't even make it in time to save the man I loved. I let the agony take me, unlike the last time there was no hope no consolation. I knew some people around me had begun to stare, one lady was looking at me as if I was a total nut case, which I probably was, but none of it mattered. I hoped the Volturi would take me, kill me, I didn't want to live when he was gone.

I must have sat there for hours because the crowds were dissipating and it was getting darker. Then I felt a cold hand touch my shoulder lightly, I turned it was Alice. Her eyes gave away the depth of her sorrow. She knelt down next to me and embraced me in a strong hug that expressed both comfort and our shared pain, after all she had lost her brother today. Few minutes after sitting there in the embrace, with my tears staining her shirt, she pulled back.

"Bella." She said softly in nearly a whisper. I just looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "Bella, we have to go now." She said in a low voice again but it displayed her sadness more than anything else, except for in her golden eyes. I continued to stare at her blankly making no move to get up. "Bella, we have to go or the Volturi…" She let her sentence trail off, we both knew if we didn't leave soon the Volturi would kill us, too. Which at this point I thought wasn't such a bad thing for me but Alice, she had get back to Jasper, I didn't want him to loose his love too, nor did I want her to die, and even if I didn't want to come I knew she could easily carry me off, so I began to stand.

As we were walking away I stopped suddenly realized something, "Alice," I began, but then stopped. She waited for a second then asked, "Yes?"

"How are we still alive?" I was confused, shouldn't the Volturi have already killed us because of what Edward had done, or rather tried to do.

"Aro." She stated plainly. I was confused and I let it show through my already tear filled eyes. "He likes Carlisle," She began, "he doesn't want to hurt him further, and since neither of us has tried anything, or rather I haven't, they don't know your alive much less her, they've decided to let us go." I simply nodded my head in response, she wrapped her strong, cold arm around my shoulder as we walked back to where she had parked the car. I went around to my side, slid in and once again let the pain take me, as we drove away from the place where the love of my life had died.

* * *

**Ok, so that's the first chapter, I don't know how long this story's going to be, that probably depends on the reviews I get so review, and constructive criticism welcome. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Yes, its short but there will be more.**


	2. Chapter 2

Alright this is the second chapter, basically, its Bella and Alice when they get back to Forks, Jake will be in this soon though not in this chapter probably the next. Please Review.

Also I'd like to thank **PRchic559** for reviewing my last chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight it belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

**Pain**

The way back to Forks had been long and uneventful, not that I would have known. The pain of Edward's death had been enough to send me swirling into a pit of despair, much greater than anything I've ever experienced. As we pulled into my driveway, it didn't feel like home, I knew that nothing would ever feel perfectly at home anymore, the meaning in life had been gutted out.

Opening my door, I got out and tried to pull enough consciousness out of myself to talk to Charlie, who would no doubt be raging mad at me. I looked at Alice before heading up the driveway, and gave her a weak smile in farewell. In return her eyes shown with concern and she said "Bella, it'll be ok." I nodded my head but didn't believe her, then walked up to the front door but before I could open it Charlie was there looking at me with both anger and concern.

"Isabella Marie Swan! What did you think you were doing!" He began to shout, I didn't answer him. "You could have been killed! Hurt! I didn't know where you were! Bells…" He stopped yelling when he saw the look on my face. "What's wrong?" He asked more worried about me now then anything. "Nothing." I said my voice cracking. What was I supposed to say? My ex-boyfriend went suicidal and got killed by a bunch of vampires, that thought did it. Any composure I had obtained in the last few hours was gone and the tears came. I ran up the stairs sobbing, and slammed my door in Charlie's face. "Bells?" He began, "What happened? Did someone hurt you?" "No." I said through the tears. "Now go away." I said, the pain was just too much but Charlie did as I asked and left me alone.

After laying on my bed with my face smashed into the now sopping wet pillow for a few minutes I decided I couldn't live like this. _The cliff would have worked if I weren't at Jake's that day. _So I decided I would use that method again and if it didn't work I'd walk in front of a car or something. Just then there was a clanking noise at my window and it opened, and where a minute before there had been nothing but the window itself now stood Alice.

"Bella…" She said in an exasperated tone. She had seen my decision, dang it, why'd she have to be able to do that? "Bella," She continued, "you can't do that." I turned on to my side so I could see her better as she walked over and sat on the edge of my bed.

"And why not?" I asked both upset and sad. She sighed. She was worried and I could tell it was more worry for me than anything else.

"Bella, you're like a sister to me and to all of us, we just lost a brother we don't need to loose you, too." Her voice was so sad that if she could have cried she would have been balling her eyes out, this was painful for her too. "Even if that weren't the case," She continued, "do you really think Edward would want this?"

I knew the answer but I didn't want to admit it, I just wanted to join Edward in death. So, I went for the more dodgy response, "Edward thought I was dead!" I yelled taking my anger out on her, "So I really don't think he would want anything specific for me involving living!" The anger didn't help because now Alice looked like she was in more pain, with her head down looking at my comforter. I realized it was because she blamed herself for what happened because of her visions.

"Alice," I said soothingly, "its not your fault, you can't control your visions. Its my fault if I were faster.." I let my sentence trail off, and she looked up, and gave me a little smile. "Its not your fault." She stated plainly. We looked at each other for a little while and I once again remembered how much I'd missed Alice and how good she made me feel at times and that brought a genuine smile to my face, however small it may have been it made her smile too. I quickly sat up and hugged her, she hugged me back, so tightly it nearly squeezed the air out of my lungs. When she finally let go and I could get the full amount of air in my lungs again, she looked at me, her face one hundred percent serious when she asked, "Will you try?" I knew what she meant, "I'll try, I promise." I said and I meant it, I'd try for her sake and Charlie's, Renee's, and Jake's, too. She smiled at me, "Good, now try and get some sleep."

It looked like she might leave but I didn't want her to, I needed the comfort of someone who felt my pain too, to be with me. "Will you stay?" I asked pleadingly. She looked right in my eyes and said "Of course, Bella." With that she went over to my desk chair and watched as the tiredness crept up on me and I eventually feel asleep.

* * *

**That's chapter 2, I know it's short. The chapters should start to get longer soon. Hope you enjoyed it, please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

So, on to chapter 3. Yes, Jake is in this chapter, its pretty much about Jake's reaction to the events taking place. Hope you enjoy and please review because that's the only way I know whether I should write more or not. Once again Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, it belongs to the wonderful author Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

**Comfort**

The light shone through my window, it was morning already. I looked around my room and saw Alice sitting by desk just like last night and it all came flooding back to me. Alice's vision, going to Italy, Edward and the Volturi. My mind screamed at the thought of Edward; Edward, he's dead. That thought resonated in my head and along with it came all the anguish that had consumed me since I heard the sound of his scream back in Volterra. My mind didn't want to believe it and the sleep would have caused me to think it was all a dream, or rather a nightmare, if not for Alice who now stood beside my bed, then the tears came again. It surprised me that I had any left to shed but they were coming with fury now and Alice was hugging me again, as I cried. I knew she was hurting too but thinking of that just made me cry harder. All of a sudden she tensed up.

"What…is…it?" I asked through the tears. She let go of me and looked into my eyes, with so much compassion, and stepped back.

"Bella, I have to go. She said and when I gave her a confused look she continued with revulsion, "The dog's here." I nodded my understanding.

"I'll be back tomorrow ok?" She both stated and asked permission. I gave her a half smile and with that she climbed out the window, just when I heard Charlie call, "Bella! Jake's here to see you!"

After mustering up the strength to stop crying and yell I called back "I'll be down after I shower!" I didn't want anyone to see me looking like the mess I was sure I was. "Ok, but remember this'll be you're last visitor for a long time, Bella!" Charlie's warning made it clear that the only reason Jake was allowed to talk to me was because of first Jake's concern for me and second Charlie's concern for me. I didn't responded just got up and grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt I hardly wore, then ran into the bathroom.

* * *

After my shower had washed all the dried tears off my face, I made my way down stairs. Once I walked into the living room I saw both Charlie and Jake sitting there, they had obviously just been talking about me because when I entered the room their conversation abruptly stopped, not that I didn't expect this but the awkward silence wasn't helping my control over my emotions.

Just then Charlie got up and said "well I better be going I promised Billy I'd go up to see him today." So, my earlier assumption had been wrong, he wasn't so much mad at me as concerned. "Alright dad." I said in response, "bye." "Bye, Bells." He said as he gave me a hug goodbye, I think it was supposed to be comforting but it was too protective, in the overprotective dad sense, to be comforting, and with that he walked out the front door, stopping only to grab his keys.

As soon as he was gone, Jake was at my side. "Bells, what happened?" He asked, concerned, though I figured the pack sent him to find out I knew he would have come anyways. I couldn't look at him, I knew he would see the hurt and pain in my eyes, and I didn't want him to. I didn't want to have to explain to him why this was upsetting me so much, why I still loved Edward. After I didn't answer, however he took my chin in his hand and gently lifted my face up so he could see it, but when I continued to avoid his gaze with my eyes, he simply said "Bells." Then I looked up at his face, and as I knew he would he read all my emotions through my eyes. He then did something I hadn't expected, instead of asking me a ton of questions he simply pulled me into a soft, comforting hug and that was it I lost it. As the sobs came he said, "Bells, whatever happened, I'm here for you." Though I was still crying and being held in his arms I looked up at him and said thank you with my eyes.

After comforting me like that for awhile he drew back to look at me, and asked in a confused yet caring voice again, "what happened?" I looked at him and decided I might as well tell him. "We…I…He's….They…." I kept trying to figure out how to tell him but the hurt and utter sadness I felt prevented me from forming a coherent sentence. "Bells, its ok, whatever it is, just tell me." Jake said trying to comfort me and gain enough control to tell him about the events of the last few days.

"He's dead…" I began through the tears which only became louder as I finally uttered the phrase which seemed to give it more of a finality to it, almost as if without saying it there wasn't such truth to it, "They killed him…. we were too late…I was too late… I didn't get there in time…." I was crying so hard I was shaking now, and Jake pulled me back into his arms, "Who killed who?" He asked softly. "The Volturi…they…killed Edward…He's dead…we were too late…they…and I was too slow…Jake, he's dead…" I rambled on crying all the while. Jake held me tighter and just said "It's ok." Once again he waited for me to gain control over my emotions, and it took even longer this time, and I had to pull away because he was making me sweat.

"Bella, tell me exactly what's going on." He said, I didn't respond, other than the soft sniffling sounds that escaped me I made no noise at all. "Come on, lets sit down." He said motioning over to the couch. I nodded, walked over and sat down with him following right behind me. After he'd sat down to my right, I looked at him and he waited expectantly though I continued to say nothing, not because I didn't want to tell him but because I was worried what it would do to me. "Ok, Bells," He began, "Edward's dead, right?" He was clarifying now, I nodded, and felt a bigger gush of tears fall. "How?" He asked not pressing me but still wanting an answer. I swallowed and began, "He thought…I was…dead." I said, then had to stop because the tears were falling even harder now. Jake's only response was to take my shoulders and give me a reassuring look. I continued looking down, "He blamed himself….he wanted…to….die." I was sobbing now, my face in my palms.

"Ok, what happened?" I realized I still had yet to explain exactly how things had gone in Volterra, and so between the tears, sniffles and spouts of complete sobs, I told him bout Edward's plan and how I had been too late to stop him, about sitting there till it was dark and Alice's part in it all. It took me awhile with all of the hysterics I was going through but I managed to tell him in as much detail as I could what had happened. After I was done he looked at me for a minute and I knew he wanted to ask me more questions but didn't, all he did was scoot over to me on the couch and once again wrap his arms around me but only for a second this time, then he pulled back and said "I'm sorry, Bells." Though he didn't like Edward or any of the Cullens for that matter, I knew he meant it. For all that was going on Jake was a great friend. We sat there for a long time, with Jake simply comforting me when I began to sob again, which happened a lot. Before I knew it, it was 8 pm and Charlie came home from visiting Billy. I quickly wiped away the tears that were staining my face.

Then Charlie walked in the room, and saying, "Hi Bells, Jake, Billy wants you to head home now." Jake nodded and before he got up he gave me a hug and whispered in my ear "Its going to be ok, Bells." In return I whispered, "Thanks, Jake." He gave me a smile and I smiled a half smile back. He nodded goodbye to Charlie then went out the front door. Charlie smiled as Jake left, I knew he was thinking that Jake had really helped me today and he had. I decided that I should probably just end the day at that. So I said good night to Charlie and headed up to my room to go to sleep, though I was dreading tomorrow it was a Monday, I had school and I knew I would be back to square one again, I was in no way lucky enough to be anywhere ahead of that.

**There's Chapter 3. Once again please review. Also thank you again PRchic559, I know I've been posting these quick and thanks for reviewing, also your question will be answered in the next chapter. So, hope everyone enjoyed this.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- This chapter takes place about a week after Edward's death and Bella is still having a really rough time with things even though Jake is trying to help her. This chapter takes place in school, and centers around Bella and Alice.

Read and Review. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight it belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

**Return**

I walked up to turn in my test just as the bell rang, I was glad I had taken so long to finish the test. If I'd finished early it would have given me too much time to think about Edward and that was something I definitely didn't want. It brought too much pain and usually tears as well. No one else knew why I had suddenly become even more depressed than usual other than Jake, and I didn't want them to know. Though I still couldn't help being glad I had Jake, he was the sun in my dark skies.

I was pulled from my thoughts as I entered the cafeteria and saw the small pixie like vampire sitting next to my usual seat, a seat that had once been Edward's. I felt a few tears begin to form and I quickly wiped them away while rearranging my face to its most stoic form. My big question at the moment was a good distraction, what was Alice doing here? She had been gone since the day I'd told Jake about everything (I refused to think the crushing phrase). If she was coming back why did she tell me she was leaving? Then I realized she didn't say she was leaving just that she had to go and talk to the rest of the family, did that mean they were coming back to Forks? I was about to find out.

"Hey, Bella." Alice said, she had a small smile on her face and what others may consider an excited, cheery voice but I knew for a fact this was nothing compared to Alice's usual bubbly cheer. "Hi." I said in a low voice that was nearly a whisper as I sat down. Alice frowned I knew it was because of my weak response, I wondered why she suspected anything more vibrant from me. The only thing that would gain a truly joyful response from me would be if by some miracle Edward walked through the cafateria doors and even if he didn't want me it would be alright because at least he would be alive, it was the comfort I wanted the consolation I required but it would never be.

"Alice?" Angela asked tentatively, Alice looked at her and smiled encouraging her to continue but Angela was dazzled and her thoughts had obviously been lost. Alice gave another half smile and said, "Angela go ahead." Shaking her head Angela responded by saying, "Never mind I shouldn't pry." Alice gave a little laugh then said "Its ok ask me anything." I could tell Angela was nervous about asking this question for more than one reason, and I was one of them so I nodded. Angela then cleared her throat and began "umm…you see…I was just wondering…." she paused and smiled shyly, "umm…where's Edward? He's not here, obviously. Is he….ok?" she stopped there and waited for Alice to answer but all she did was look at me. Her yes expressed her question which was also a statement of fact, _you haven't told them? _I simply lowered my eyes and shock my head. I could feel Alice's gaze linger on me for a minute, then she moved closer and whispered in my ear, "Is it ok if I tell them?" I looked up into her truly concerned eyes, and nodded my head. I would have told them myself but I just couldn't find it in me to utter the phrase again, not even Charlie knew.

Then Alice turned back to Angela, her eyes had changed in that split second from concern to a desperate sadness. Angela's expression changed when she saw Alice's face, she knew it was bad. "He's dead." Alice said, softly but so everyone at the table could hear, I began to cry as everyone else had an intake of breath, they hadn't expected that, at first they looked at Alice then all eyes turned to me as the sobs began to rack my body, and Alice took me in her cold arms and began to rub my back as I buried my head in her shoulder. Everyone else seemed to sit frozen in position, not knowing what to do, then Angela got up, walked behind me and gave me an encouraging hug, then like Alice began to rub my back and said "I'm so sorry. Alice, Bella, I can't believe this. I mean he was so young, he was our age. Oh my gosh, I'm just so sorry." She looked like she would cry too and then Ben walked up behind her and put his arm on each of our shoulders trying to comfort us. Then the condolences began going around the table starting with Mike and everyone else joining in right after but soon enough the bell rang. Though I didn't want to get up Alice began to nudge me to go and eventually I did but not before the bell rang, and as Alice walked me to class I was still crying, and then right before we reached the door to class Alice stopped and turned us around.

"Bella, you are in no shape to go to class." She said caringly. I nodded, I knew it was true and I really didn't mind missing class and all the stares and condolences from strangers that would come by the end of the day after Jess and Lauren spread the news around school. We walked into the main office and Mrs. Cope stared at us in confusion, Alice walked up to the desk and leaned over to whisper in Mrs. Cope's ear, no doubt explaining the situation. Mrs. Cope's eyes were wide open in astonishment when Alice finished but quickly turned to sympathy for Alice and me. "Would you like to go home?" She asked us with more concern and sadness then I thought she needed as a third party observer but I knew she was being genuine though it didn't stop my hysteric crying. Alice just nodded, and Mrs. Cope said "I'll call your teachers and tell them you're excused." "Thanks," was Alice's only response before we walked out of the office with Alice's arm around my shoulders, trying in vain to comfort me. I realized Alice was trying to get me to go in her car and said, "I need to drive my truck home." She smiled and I knew some how my truck would end up in my driveway before I got home, so I slide into the passenger seat, and continued to cry as Alice walked around to the driver's seat, put the key in the ignition and drove out of the school parking lot.

* * *

**There's chapter 4, I know alot of my chapters have been really short, I'm sorry, next chapter should be longer. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- Bella, is with the Cullens in this chapter. Sorry no Jake, next chapter though, I promise. Also thanks to those who have reviewed, I love getting them, and if you have constructive criticism that is of course welcome and much appreciated. I'm also not sure how much I really like this chapter but I couldn't think of another way to do it. Thanks and hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, wish I did but no that belongs to the amazing author Stephanie Meyer.

Also, someone did mention my really crapy grammar, first I do not feel insulted in the least, I know I have crapy grammar, bear with me there, I am sorry about that, I will look over my future chapters a more carefully but I do tend to miss stuff so my bad, so sorry about that.

* * *

**Family**

I think somewhere in the back of my mind I'd realized we were going to the Cullen's home but still it was hard to see. It had been his home when I'd known him at least. I could still remember the first time he took me to meet his family like yesterday, and that day they had started to become like my family as well. I knew now it would never be anymore then _like _family, never truly being part of the family, being one of them, without him I didn't want to either. Why would I want to live forever without him? I couldn't, and I now I'm glad I never lost my humanity, though if I had he might be alive, it was my fault, all of it was my fault. If I'd never met Edward, or been too late to save him then he would be alive now and his family, at least, would be whole.

I realized then that Alice was trying to get me out of the car but I hadn't budged and she looked as if she was going to pick me up if I didn't move. "Hang on a sec, Alice." I said in a whisper as I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to calm myself down a little. Alice nodded understandingly, and waited, holding the door open so I could hop out whenever I was ready. After a few minutes spent calming down, I knew it was as much in control as I was going to get, and unbuckled my seatbelt, slide out of the car and made my way with Alice into the house. Alice once again opened the door for me, and I clutched my arms around me in a gesture I'd become so accustomed to, one that helped me keep everything inside from spilling out. I walked in then, and was greeted by Esme with a loving hug, she was ever the kind mother, and I was grateful for it despite the fact that her cold arms were also reminding me of him. I hugged her back, as Carlisle came around and placed a hand on my shoulder, I pulled out of the hug and smiled at him, before being filled by calm, _Jasper _I thought, and sure enough it was him, coming down the stairs. I looked up at him and he stopped a few feet away, "Hi, Bella." He said and then continued with the condolences, "I'm so sorry, very sorry." He looked heart broken as he said this, which he probably was, considering he could feel everyone's emotions and though him and Edward weren't the closest they were brothers, in a sense. I smiled half-heartedly and Jasper smiled back, before Rosalie and Emmett came in.

Rosalie, was ever the picture of beauty, of course, but she didn't wear her usual snooty expression on her face. She was hurting too, and as she entered the room, she did something completely unexpected, she gave me a hug as well, it was a quick one but she had always been the least excepting of the Cullens, so her display of affection and sympathy was a shock. She didn't say anything to me but stood there, I figured I should say something or this was going to become awkward, "Hi, Rose." I said, in a soft voice, she gave me a small smile and then Emmett walked up and squeezed me in a bear hug, I gave a little laugh before I couldn't breath anymore, Emmett was always Emmett despite the current circumstances. "Emmett, you're going to hurt her." Rose said, and Emmett put me down, "Oh, sorry Bella," He began, "I just missed you." "I missed you too, all of you," I said, with a little smile on my face. They all smiled in response and I decided to ask them my big question, "Are you guys staying?" "Yes, we are for the time being at least." It was Carlisle who said, I turned to him but Esme soon suggested that we go in the living room to sit down and talk, so we all walked to the living room, each sitting on a couch or chair, I was sat on the couch with Alice and Jasper, well Esme and Carlisle sat on the love seat and Emmett sat in a chair with Rosalie on his lap.

Everyone sat there for minute, saying nothing but then thankfully Alice jumped in, "I'm guessing you're wondering why we're staying," She began, I nodded, and she continued, "After seeing you when we got back from Volterra, I knew you were going to need someone there to help so me and Jasper decided to come and asked who wanted to come along, and everyone did." As she said this, she had a big grin plastered across her face. "So, you're all here for my sake?" I asked in a voice that displayed a bit of my shock. "Yeah, can't let you deal with this on your own, no way!" Emmett declared, I smiled, it was good to have them back. Then the questions began to fly between me and them as we all caught up with each other, it was nice, we spent the rest of the afternoon like that but soon it was time for me to go, Charlie would be home soon and if I wasn't there the entire town would be out looking for me again. Of course Alice volunteered to take me home, and Emmett was on his way to pick up my truck, but even with all their kindness and how happy having them here made me I knew it would take much longer for me to feel whole again, if I ever did.

* * *

**Sorry that chapter took so long, I was having a lot of trouble writing it, and yes again short, I am trying to make them longer but I'm not having much luck at the moment. Also, yes I changed the rating, it was for saftey. I still hope you enjoyed it, and please review, and constructive criticism is always welcome. **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- This is a Bella/Jacob chapter. I am going to tell you I am not the best at grammar and I tend to write quickly because I get the if I don't type now I'm going to forget type thing, though I usually check, I'm going to check a little harder from now on. Thanks for reading and please review and constructive criticism welcome. Also on that note let me thank **X.Buffy Lurves Spike.X **for the constructive criticism.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Friends**

As Alice drove me home the heartache I felt only increased, since I was leaving the few people who actually knew the whole story, everything that had occurred in the recent weeks involving Edward and the Voturi. I knew that I would be all alone in my pain at home, since I couldn't even tell Charlie everything that's happened. I shuddered thinking of what Charlie's reaction to the truth would be, if I was ever insane enough to tell him. Then we pulled into the driveway next to my truck, Emmett had already beat us here and was most likely back at the Cullen's house. I saw Alice tense up then, and I knew there could only be one reason for that reaction. "Jacob?" I asked already knowing the answer, she just nodded her head, and I turned and opened the door. As I got out she smiled at me and I returned the gesture, it was genuine because knowing that Jake was there, was already making me feel better.

"Hey, Jake!" I called walking up to the porch, he gave me a smile while wrinkling his nose. "Hi, Bells." He said while making his smile larger as I stepped up to unlock the door. I smiled back and asked, "You want to come in." All he did was smile, and raise his eyebrows at me, "Yeah!" He said still giving me a huge smile, I laughed. It was a normal laugh one I hadn't experienced in a long time, one I couldn't have imagined ever doing again but here I was, and I smiled. Jacob grinned, "I don't think you've ever laughed like that before." He was glad, I could tell, I was getting better but still stuck somewhere between despair and complete sadness.

Jake walked in the front door then, and I shut the it behind him. I turned around and faced him, "So, what's up Jake?" I asked. "Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to see how you were doing actually." He said. I continued to smile and replied, "I'm fine, Jake. You know I'd tell you if something were wrong." That statement seemed to make him extremely happy. "That's good." He said and looked like he wanted to say more but didn't. "Jake, what is it?" I asked. He just stood there silently, unwilling to answer me. "Jake?" "Sorry, it's just…" He let his sentence trail off. "Is it about the Cullens?" I asked, figuring that this reaction could only come from a very limited range of topics, and they seemed the most likely source at this time." "Yeah." He seemed a little embarrassed about it but I just waited for him to continue.

"Bells…" He said pleadingly, "Please don't make me say this." I crossed my arms and just looked at him stubbornly. "Bells, don't hang out with them." He said. "Jake, they are my friends, too." I began, "I'm not going to give up you or them." "They're bloodsuckers." I wanted to tell him all of what I was feeling at this moment but I couldn't, I had to concentrate on not crying. "I'm sorry Bella." He said and took me into his arms, as I let a few tears fall, "Jake, I need them, just like I need you." I said, while crying softly. "Alright Bells, but please be careful, I mean they are blo-vampires after all." I just nodded my head, I wasn't in the mood to argue with him. Truth be told he was probably the more dangerous one most of the time. I couldn't say that though because I didn't want to hurt him. So, we stood there for awhile, me in his arms while the tears continued to fall, not in sobs this time but light tears though his embrace was oddly comforting in a way I didn't realize anything as simple as a hug could be. Sooner than I wished it ended, however, and we stood there for a minute just looking at each other, and the air seemed to be charged with electricity but then the door opened and Charlie stood in the doorway and both our heads turned, dispersing whatever electricity had just been in the room.

"Hi kids." Charlie greeted, "Hi, Charlie." Jake said in response. Charlie turned to look at him specifically, "Jake, its late. Shouldn't you be getting home?" Charlie asked him. "Yeah, you're right." He said then turned to me and smiled, "Bye Bells." "Bye Jake." Charlie scurried into the kitchen after that and appeared to be ordering pizza, though I wasn't really hungry. My thoughts were too preoccupied with what had just happened with Jake, I didn't want to be anything more than friends but it felt like something kept pushing us out of that arena and into the I didn't ever want to enter again. I knew just like before I'd never send him away, I needed his friendship even more now than I did then. What was I going to do?

* * *

**Thanks for reading, sorry that took me so long to post and I feel really bad about that, I wasn't at home much because my mom kept sending me on errands, gosh I haven't even had my license a week yet. Also I want to warn everyone if I don't update for the next few days its cause I'm reading Breaking Dawn (yes its coming out in a few hours! Finally!), and I'll be out with my BFF cause she's visting from Texas so, I'm warning you it may take me a while, though I will write if I get free time, promise. Anyways, I know I promised better grammar and such but this took me forever to write so I'll post it now and will correct the grammar later, I think. Thanks for reading, please review. Also would you guys like to see Alice/Bella or Angela/Bella friendship in the next chapter? I like those characters a lot so I'm not sure.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, sorry about the really really long break between these chapters, its been a very busy year for me but I've actually got several chapters that are going to come up sometime this week because they aren't typed but written, and for everyone, thanks for reading this, and sorry for the delay.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, though I wish I did, I own only the plot for my own story and a few minor characters in here, other than that the wonderful characters like Alice and Bella, etc. belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer.**

**

* * *

**

**Memories**

It had been little more than two months since Edward's death, it was becoming easier to bear in some ways but harder in others. I remembered him more vividly now then ever before, it was nice at time but still that sadness lingered. Today was one of those days when the lingering sadness was brought to the forefront of my mind and emotions.

After leaving 3rd period I'd been bombarded by two girls who came up excitedly, "we have a great idea!" One girl with blonde hair and blue-green eyes said. I just stared at her uncomprehendingly. "Jenny!" The other one said with reproach, she was about a foot shorter with gray eyes and the same blonde hair, "first off she doesn't know what you're talking about and second off this is being done because of a horrible circumstance," she whispered, thinking that I couldn't hear her but after a year of straining (and failing) to hear the Cullen's "silent" conversations I found that my hearing had improved and I heard her just fine, though I wished I hadn't. I knew instantly that this conversation would probably not be for a "great idea" but one that would continue to push forward things I didn't want to think about.

"I'm Hannah, this is my friend Jenny," she pointed over to the girl who had spoken earlier, "we are doing a memorial page for Edward Cullen in the yearbook and wanted to know if you had any pictures, comments, memories of…" She seemed to notice the way this was upsetting me and stopped mid-sentence. A memorial page to me was not a reminder of his life but rather his death, that there would be no more memories made, no more pictures taken, nothing. I began to sob then and ran away from the two very confused looking girls.

I found myself in the girl's bathroom tears falling and soaking my jeans as I sat on the floor with my legs tightly tucked into my chest and my head down. I don't know how it was before Alice showed up but she did and wrapped her cold arms around me. "He loved you." She said comfortingly. I looked up and stared straight into her eyes they looked sincere but the Cullens were all masters of deception, they had to be. "Not in the end he didn't, he'd stopped, he'd…" I only began to cry more, and the babbling would get me no where, my heart was breaking apart again it seemed, "yes he did love you, Bella. Why would he have acted so rashly if not to be with you again?" It took me a minute to even comprehend what she'd said but then I remembered that Edward had thought I was dead. "It was just guilt," I told her while sniffling, "he felt bad about it. That's all!"

Alice looked at me perplexed, "Bella, do you really think that Edward would kill himself out of guilt?" I didn't answer and realization struck as the possibility I'd never considered because it was too painful was true, Edward loved me, he always had, he'd never stopped. He'd left me, he'd lied to me but none of that mattered now, only that he loved me, that he'd loved me till he'd breathed his last. Alice saw the realization cross my face, and as the tears glazed over my eyes again said "Bella, he would want you to be happy, live life to its fullest and not sit around and cry away the rest of it!" The truth and conviction could be felt ringing through her every word but I was only half listening to her as my thoughts raced through my memories of Edward.

* * *

"_Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down, ashamed again. "The thought of you, still white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable." He lifted his glorious agonized eyes to mine. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."_

* * *

"_And are you not affected at all?" I asked, irked. "By my presence?"_

_Again his mobile features transformed, his experssion became soft, warm. He didn't answer at first; he simply bent his face to mine and brushed his lips slowly along my jaw from my ear to my chin…_

* * *

"_I'll be the first one to admit that I have no experience with relationships," I said. "But it just seems logical…a man and woman have to be somewhat equal…as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other _equally_."_

"_You _have_ saved me." He said quietly._

* * *

"_Renée has always made the choices that work for her- she'd want me to do the same. And Charlie's resilient, he's used to being on his own. I can't take care of them forever. I have my own life to live."_

"_Exactly," he snapped. "And I won't end it for you."_

* * *

"_So ready for this to be the end," he murmered, almost to himself, "for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything."_

"_It's not the end, it's the beginning," I disagreed under my breath._

"_I'm not worth it," he said sadly._

* * *

"_I love you." I whispered._

"_You are my life now," he answered simply._

* * *

"_And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."_

* * *

"He would want that." I satated reiterating the truth she'd already told me. "Yes, he would." Alice smiled at me, and memories of Edward again filled my head, everything I loved about him from his crooked smile to his beautiful music, and I remembered the times we spent together. "Alice, remember when Edward tried to learn how to cook?" I asked smiling at the memory, Alice laughed. "Yes I do, it was the funniest thing ever!" "And you would know would know, wouldn't you Alice!" I laughed in response, and she laughed too. Every laugh brought up a new memory of Edward, the most perfect memories on Earth. We laughed and talked in there for hours and eventually meandered onto other topics then the final bell rang out, we'd spent the whole school day chatting in the bathroom and as we the thought simultaneously crossed both our minds we laughed, "come on lets go," Alice said after we'd finally gotten control of our laughter. I knew something had changed today, but the friendship Alice and I shared would always remain, and _we_, at least had plenty more memories to make.

* * *

**That's the end of this chapter, I'll upload more soon, but its 11:30 pm here and I have finals tommorrow so that will have to wait, and reminder the italized words come from Twilight. Please read and review, and the next chapter will have Jacob in it for those of you who want more of him. Hope you've enjoyed this chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey Everyone, sorry I knew I said I'd have new ones up a few weeks ago but unfortunately my computer died taking with it all my newly typed files and because of that I had to wait a few weeks to get a new computer, and that meant after I got back from vacation but I'm sorry for the delay they're going up as soon as they're retyped so I hope you enjoy them, and I'm sorry about the delay again.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, wish I did, but no that genius belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

* * *

**Love**

I drove into the driveway and cut the engine to my roaring truck. As I got out of the cab I felt strong arms surround me and squeeze. I would have been afraid but I knew by the tremendous heat that it was Jake.

"Jake…can't…breath…" I choked out. "Oh, sorry." He said letting go, I turned around smiling at my best friend. "Hey Bells!" He sounded ecstatic. I smiled wider, "hey Jake! What's up?" "I was wondering if you'd like to go to La Push with me, everyone's getting together at Emily's place, it should be fun!" He was smiling and hopefully. I couldn't ever let him down, not that I would want to. I smiled back at him, "of course when?"

He smiled shyly, "now?" I asked laughing lightly as his russet skin turned a bit darker, "ok let's go then." He took my hand in his big one quickly and pulled me over toward his rabbit, not in a forceful way, in fact, for some odd reason it was actually kind of nice. "Mind if I drive," he asked though I would have preferred to drive I wasn't going to argue. So I opened the door and slid into the passenger's seat.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was an uneventful ride down to La Push, Jake and I had talked about anything and everything that came to our minds, we kept no secrets from each other, not anymore. Now though, we were driving up to Emily's little home. The lights were all on and boisterous laughter was coming from inside. Jake and I smiled simultaneously as we got out of the car. We walked up side by side, when Sam came to the door he hadn't gotten halfway there. He smiled welcomingly, "come on in guys," he said as he moved to the side to let us pass into the entrance of the house, which was connected to the living room/family room where everyone else was. As he did I saw the whole pack and a couple new comers, by their sizes some of them had to be members of the pack, new werewolves, but there were also a few girls there too.

I recognized one of these girls as Leah Clearwater, Seth was there too, and judging by his size, he was one of the new wolves, though if not for my prior knowledge of werewolves I would have thought that Leah was a new wolf too. She seemed somehow stronger, and definitely a lot taller than she'd been before.

As we came in everyone turned around, and a cacophony of hellos erupted from the group, and Emily came up, giving me a tentative hug, before saying "I'm sorry." It was simple but displayed an unprecedented amount of sincerity, especially from someone who's very hatred of what _he_ was so deeply in grained. I couldn't even respond with anything other than a small, sad smile. She smiled, cheerier but still with an empathy that reached her eyes, then she went to Sam's side.

The had become tense since she'd made her condolences, every eye in the room, except Leah's stared at us as if we'd lost our minds, which to them, I think we had. Even Sam was looking at Emily confused and slightly hurt. Trying to end the tension in the air, Jake grabbed my hand and we moved over to a few seats further inside the room, but the ackward silence still held sway. "What cat got your tongue boys?" Leah said in a disinterested, snide tone. "Leah!" Sam barked at her commandingly, this confused me but I decided to tuck that question away for leader. "What?" She said, as if she were genuinely confused, and Seth rolled his eyes at her. Then Seth replied sarcastically, "what do you think Leah? We aren't all leech lovers here, ya know?" At this everyone laughed except Leah and me, but the tension in the air had been cut.

The rest of the evening passed smoothly by, laughs and stories frequented the conversation that flew across the room, including a few of the messes that the new wolves had gotten themselves into. It was the most fun I'd had in awhile, and I knew I owed it in part to Alice, and our afternoon together. It was as thought despite the clouds and their consistent presence a break could now be seen and sitting next to Jacob the sun shone just that much brighter through them.

As we finished eating some hot dogs and delicious blueberry pie, that Emily had made, Jacob turned to me, and smiled, "you done eating?" he asked, I smiled, "I finished when you were on" I paused pretending to think this through, "your fourth hot dog, right before you had your second piece of pie." He laughed "you wanna go and get some air?" "You going to turn into a wolf if we do that?" I asked jokingly, noting the full moon outside. "Ha ha Bells!" I gave him a mischievous smile, and he smiled back before asking again, "so wanna?" "Sure," I replied simply, and once again he grabbed my hand, as I followed him outside.

I had to admit going outside had been a good idea, The air was cool which offset Jacob's unnatural heat, and a soft breeze went by as the stars began to twinkle in the sky, Twilight had passed, it was gone, and I was at the brink of something new, a new beginning I'd once told _him_, but now I wasn't so sure. I stared at the moon, and sighed, I would soon find out who was right. "What's wrong?" Jacob asked, and still looking at the moon I responded softly, "nothing, I was just thinking about some things." "About him, again?" Jacob asked, I merely nodded.

"I'm sorry Bells." Jake said sadly. "Its ok Jake, its good to remember, or at least that's what people tell me." I smiled then turned from my fixed position staring at the moon to face Jacob, who looked down, "Bells, there's something…Bella…" He began stuttering over the words, I looked at him confused for a moment, before I realized I knew where this was going. "Bells…I'm really sorry about all this." He continued moving closer to me, I wasn't sure if I was ready for this, and my thoughts became a jumbled mess as Jake waited for some response from me. He took me into his arms holding me close, I hugged him back, I couldn't help it though I was torn, when he held me like this I felt, whole, even if the tear remained Jake repaired me but was I really ready to take this where Jake wanted it to go?

"Bella," Jake said simply, moving his head so that his eyes were staring into mine, I was lost in them, as Jake took a deep breath, intoxicating me with his scent. "Bella, I love you." He said, and his voice conveyed the sincerity and conviction in his words, but though some part of me screamed for a similar response from myself but another part fought against it keeping me silent and immobile. I took a deep breath about to reply when Jake suddenly tensed.

**

* * *

**

I hope you liked that the next chapter will be up soon, and then you'll know what happens right now with Jake and Bella. Please review, as always criticism and suggestions are welcome, thanks for reading!


End file.
